Eff-Off! For All Your Needs

(Sherman Oaks) Well, she's been developing it for about, oh, 61 years and counting, but the SJG is excited, if not altogether giddy, to announce her latest sensational, life-changing product. It's called Eff-Off! A spritz or two of Eff-Off! gets rid of all those pesky pests, actual or metaphorical, psychological or familial, that have turned your existence into a  living hell. Looking to repel an army of agitators? A bounty of bastards? A cadre of careerists? A swarm of 'squitors? Make Eff-Off! your go-to for those garden-variety threats that sneak up, sting you in the tush and leave a mark no allergist or shrink can vanquish from your soul and/or epidermis. Developed by a team of really smart scientists, and tested by the SJG and her close circle of ultra-sensitive, messed up peeps, Eff-Off! keeps all baddies at bay, or your money back. Eff-Off! is so powerful, so all-inclusively fabulous, so user friendly, your head may explode. To avoid injury, wear a helmet before application. Available at The SJG Pop Up Shop, conveniently located in the trunk of her swanky new space vehicle, and parked at Gelson's till they tell her to move. Only $12.99. How often does a deal like this come along? Hurry. Supples are limited.