We're ecstatic to let you know that your order of sparkly rhinestone stilettos has been delivered. Trust us, these babies are a game-changer. Please let us know how they alter your life and bring out your inner 'ho.
You're Super Welcome,
Vixens Etc.
Dear Vixens Etc.,
I'm returning these hideous sandals tout de suite, and expect a full refund. Clearly, I was sleep-shopping when I ordered them. I'd dozed off mid-way through "Rhinestones Are A Bitch's Best Friend" on SJG-TV-After-Dark, and my subconscious figured, hey, a short gal deserves a little manufactured height now and then, why the @#$% not? There's no way I can dance the hora in these horror shows -- at a black-tie Orthodox wedding yet! Not to mention, I loathe them on a level I reserve for a certain D.C. demagogue. I nearly had a coronary when the postman rang twice and handed me the package marked X-Rated. Don't ever do this to me again or I'll have to take legal action.
Thanks for bupkis,
The SJG
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