Let Me Entertain You

It's Week 555 of the Pandemic Lockdown Situation, or maybe it's Week 5, but in any event, I'm running out of songs that my limited vocal range can handle while I scrub my hands into oblivion. A rapidly aging goddess can only yodel "Let Me Entertain You" and a few other personal favorites so many times a day before the neighbors start slipping cruel and hateful notes in my mailbox. Would you like to read a few examples? Of course, you would.

"Hey, yeah, so, is there any chance you could, oh, STOP HOWLING 'Let Me Entertain You' every five minutes like a dog in heat? I seriously can't stand another second. I'm heavily medicated as I write this. Please show some humanity. Thanks, Anonymous. P.S. Did you steal my Instacart delivery from Gelson's? I know it was you." 

"Hi, I live in one of the many overpriced homes in your general vicinity. I try not to judge others, but for you, I'll make an exception. What the @#$% is wrong with you? Were you dropped on your head recently? Do you think MAYBE you could close the stupid bathroom window when you wash your hands 82 times a day? Is that too much to ask? Cuz if I have to hear you sing 'There's No Business Like Show Business' ever again, I'm gonna use the Ancient Voodoo Doll I just bought on eBay with you in mind. This is your final warning. Thanks, Anonymous. P.S. Did you steal my Blue Apron delivery? Not cool."

"Listen closely, you off-key nutcase who couldn't carry a tune if your life depended on it. If I hear you sing 'R-E-S-P-E-C-T' one more time while you wash YOUR HANDS, I'm going to take matters into my OWN HANDS. Thanks, Anonymous. P.S. Did you steal my Amazon Fresh delivery? You suck."

Sheesh, talk about hostile.