Step Outside The Box

Sometimes you gotta step outside the box, buddy. Yesterday, which I think was Friday, but honestly, I'm not sure, and during this apocalyptic time, does it matter, I did just that. All it took was chutzpah and desperation for me to step outside the box. The Bento Beauty Box, to be exact, full of magic and customized hair color formula. The credit goes to Lenny, the SVP of the currently furloughed SJG Beauty Team, who made an offer I could've easily refused had I been in my right mind. But I wasn't. So instead, I traveled to an undisclosed destination, donned the mandatory face disguise and fetched the top secret kit Lenny had prepared just for me. When I arrived, he greeted me in his chic hazmat suit, handed over the Bento in exchange for cold hard cash, and gave me two minutes of his time. Our conversation, with him on one side of the driveway, and me on the other, more than six feet away, at least, went something like this:
"Lenny?"
"What? I'm very busy."
"I'm on the fence about this whole thing."
"You're nowhere near the fence. Keep it that way."
"Just tell me, do you really think I can do this myself?"
"I'm not going to do it for you."
"What if I eff up the color?"
"Just follow the directions."
"You're saying you believe 100 percent I can do it?"
"I'm saying I believe you're fairly capable of doing it."
"Close enough. Thanks for the pep talk."
"Why are you still here?"
"I'm going, sheesh."

The Bento Beauty Box

I hurried home -- the formula's time sensitive! -- trying to mask my fear of the unknown, and there he was, Mr. Essential, the man who always stands by my side, whether I ask him to or not.
"Let me do it."
"I think I can do it, honey."
"I should do it."
"Why? You don't color your hair."
"No, I prefer the distinguished gray. But I'm good with a paint brush."
"And I'm not?"
"I've never seen you use one."
"How dare you. Plus, this isn't a paint brush, it's a hair color brush."
"What's your point?"
"I don't have one. Put on the purple gloves first so you shouldn't stain your fingers, God forbid."
"Okay. What I do first?"
"Start with the part."
"This is fun."
"You know what?"
"What?"
"There are some things in life you must do yourself. Give me the brush."
"You sure?"
"Yes."
"Okay if I watch?"
"If you must."

Not bad for an amateur

Thirty minutes of processing later, I shampooed, I dried and by a miracle, it came out pretty, pretty good, considering how many ways I could've messed up. I'm so pleased, I could scream. I've never been prouder of any other accomplishment in my entire life.