A Friendly Public Shaming

Nothing nicer than going to my cousin Andy's gorgeous home for Thanksgiving.  Delicious food, a lovely setting, and best of all, I don't have to do anything but show up and eat and of course, at some point, endure a brief public shaming.  If your relatives don't feel comfortable shaming you, mercilessly, and vice versa, it's time to find a new group. Just latch onto some random folks and see if you fit in or not. Bolt if no one is laughing.  Get out while you can, these people aren't going to bring you comfort and joy.  Oh, look, the SJG just made a Christmas reference.  Please forgive me, I'm still digesting my food and too tired to throw a driedel reference your way.

Speaking off dreidels, I didn't see any at Andy and Allison's house. What's wrong with them?  Frankly, I'm a little bereft. But they did light a nice menorah, which triggered my first brief public shaming.  On the phone with Andy Wednesday, he told me he was going to a First Night of Hanukkah party.  I actually questioned the logic of that. "Why? The first night isn't till Thursday." A heated argument between cousins followed, filled with ridicule and the lightening-fast arrival of fancy Internet links to prove the SJG was wrong and helpful suggestions to go back to schul for a refresher course.  "You can't make me," I said, and hung up, only to be shamed about my lack of Hanukkah chronology during the Second Night lighting ceremony.

My next public shaming, a lengthier one, I might add, came later, when a critical topic arose and the SJG was once again out of the loop.  "Hey gang, let's watch 'Glee,'" someone else I'm related to said.  "'Glee' is on?!  Oh eff, I didn't record it." Cue a spirited lecture, delivered simultaneously by Andy and Allison and their adorable, recently Bar Mitzvahed son Levi, about Season Passes and Apps and Hulu and iTunes and Apple TV and God only knows what else, I stopped listening. The essence of this group rant was that clearly, from a global media standpoint, I deserved a friendly flogging.  "Just... leave me alone!" I said, in self-defense, shoving more pie in my face to fill up the emptiness inside. A few hours after I waddled out the door, Andy tried to undue the shaming via text.  "'Glee' sucked." Nice try, Cuzzie.  Nice try.