Sexiest Jew Alive

It can now be revealed that People Mag gave me, the SJG, the honor of informing Adam Levine that he is, in fact, the Sexiest Man Alive.  The people at People heard about the slight crush I've been harboring on the rock star, and generously handed over the task with a warning.  "We don't trust you to do it in person.  Call him."  Our conversation went something like this:
"Hello, is this the hot boychick to whom I am speaking?"
"Mom?  I asked you never to call me this early."
"It's not Mom, Adam, it's me, the Short Jewish Gal."
"How did you get my number?"
"I have my ways."
"You sound cute.  But I can't date you.  I'm engaged."
"Mazel tov."
"She's a model."
"Big surprise.  So, listen, handsome, I've got some news."
"Oy, I hope no one's hurt."
"This is why I love you.  You're such a nice guy."
"Awww.  I love you, too."
"Can I have that in writing?"
"Sure."
"So, guess who's the Sexiest Man Alive?"
"Me?"
"You.  A Jew.  They picked a Jew as Sexiest Man Alive."
"Sweet.  I've wanted this since my Bar Mitzvah."
"I'm kvelling on your behalf."
"Thanks."
"You're welcome.  Come for brunch sometime.  I make a nice spread."
"Lox?"
"You have to ask?"
"Cool.  Text me your address."
"I'd rather tattoo it on your arm with my teeth."
"Dude, this just got weird."
"I went one bagel too far."
"Shalom, SJG."
"Keep in touch."