You Have Two Messages

I used to love my answering machine.  I used to love the blinking light that meant someone had called me with life-changing information. Maybe even two someones.  That little blinking light gave me such a lift.  It was the precursor to getting "likes" on Facebook.  A "like" on Facebook releases positive endorphins, raises self-esteem and offers validation.  Facebook is an on-going Sally Field Oscar speech.  "You like me, you really like me."  But let's get back to that blinking light, the so-called point of today's blog that I hope you'll "like," but if you don't, keep it to yourself, I'm a delicate soul.

The SJG traded in the answering machine years ago.  Now, we have a tricky voicemail system that involves lengthy codes and witchcraft. Now, I don't even know if I have a message until I pick up the phone and hear a harassing beepity-beep-beep that does nothing for my self-esteem .  If I get the code wrong, which happens often, an automated lady comes on and chastises me.  "What's wrong with you?  That's not the code. Try again, loser."  By the time I finally get my messages, I'm so agitated, so emotionally depleted, I don't care who called me, I just wish they'd leave me alone.

And yet, every now and then, the messages are worth cracking the complicated code to hear, especially if they're from my father, who'd be the first to tell you that lately, certain basic tasks aren't going as smoothly as they once did.  Every day involves a search for something lost.  A pair of glasses.  A cell phone.  A chunk of memory.  I'm learning to roll with it.  What choice do I have?  So when I heard the following messages, I had to laugh.  The tone of his voice told me he found it funny, too.

First message, received at 12:04 p.m:  "This is your father Ben.  I can't make the dryer work.  I'm pushing the button and nothing is happening.  What am I doing wrong?  Drop everything you're doing right now and call me back.  I'm a desperate man."

Second message, received at 12:06 p.m.  "This is your father Ben. Please disregard the previous message."