Happy What?

Have you bought your "menurkey" yet?  

There are still graveyards in my neighborhood, skeletons hanging from trees, candy wrappers on the ground.  Halloween is over, people.  Move on.  Let's clean this place up and make way for the next holiday: Thanksgivukkah. Such a clunky phase.  It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, but it says what it has to say, which is this:  The first night of Hanukkah falls on Thanksgiving, a rare occurrence, a once-in-a-lifetime collision of calories and tradition. Pilgrims. Maccabees. Turkey-shaped menorahs. Cranberry-chocolate cakes and cookies. Sweet potato latkes. Oh, dreidel, dreidel.  Oh, gobble, gobble. Make it stop.  No good can come from this. My stomach is still digesting all the candy I promised myself I wouldn't eat.  I'm not sure I can handle this next onslaught of food. On the plus side, my sons will be too busy stuffing their faces to notice that the first night of Hanukkah went by and they got bupkis.  Sometime around the eighth night, if we remember, we'll slip them each a nice check, and say, "Go spend. You're welcome."

Thanksgivukkah.  Not a fan.  I would've given Hanukkah first position out of alphabetic, not to mention, Hebraic respect.  Happy Hanukkey! See. That just sounds better. You get the Hanukkah. You get the best part of the turkey.  What more do you need?