Questions, So Many Questions

There are so many questions that plague the SJG, so many deep issues to ponder on a daily basis, I'm learning to separate the serious Modern Day dilemmas from the moderately troubling. Here are the top five things on my keppy today:
1. If I wear white after Labor Day, will I be shunned during Sherman Oaks Fashion Week, where I plan to debut the new SJG Fall Schlepwear Collection?
2. Will the SJG Telethon raise enough money to pay for the patio renovations?
3. Why didn't "SJG: Duets With Famous Dead People" do better on iTunes? I was in tune most of the time. Abraham Lincoln? Not so much.
4. Will I ever break my debilitating double-spacing addiction?
5. If a bagel falls in the kitchen, but nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound?