Short Jewish Jokes

Saul was taking an oral exam, applying for his citizenship papers. He was asked to spell "cultivate." He spelled it correctly.
He was then asked to use the word in a sentence.
He brightened up and said, "Last Vinter on a very cold day, I Vas Vaiting for a bus, but it Vas too Cultivate, so I took the Subvay home."

Two Jews, Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking.
Saul says to Morty, "So listen, Morty, you know I don't swim so well."
Morty remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid. So Morty begins tugging Saul toward shore. After ten minutes, he begins to tire.
Finally about 100 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, "So Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?"
Saul replies, "Morty, this is a hell of a time to be asking for money!"

A man is lying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, the surgeon.
The father says, "Son, think of it this way ... If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you."

Two bees buzz around what's left of a rose bush.
"How was your summer?" asks bee number one.
"Not too good," sez bee two.
"Lotta rain, lotta cold. Not enough flowers, not enough pollen."
The first bee has an idea. "Hey, why don't you go down the corner and hang a left? There's a bar mitzvah going on. Plenty of flowers and fruit."
Bee two buzzes, "Thanks!" and takes off.
An hour later, the bees bump into each other again.
"How was the bar mitzvah?" asks the info-bee.
"Great!" sez buddy-bee.
The first bee peers at his pal and wonders, "What's that on your head?"
"A yarmulke," is the answer. "I didn't want them to think I was a wasp."

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