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| Wrong name, right airport |
Well, I'll be "D," as my daddy used to say. Check out the following heartfelt announcement I heard blasting on the loud speakers, as I stepped foot in the airport: "Welcome, Short Jewish Gal. We are so excited you've chosen our airport from which to depart. We're sorry we were unable to change the name to SJG International on such short notice. During your stay with us at LAX, we'll do our best to keep things quiet, peaceful, pretty and above all, not that annoying. We'll instruct anyone within earshot of you to keep it down and not to invade your personal space. Here at LAX, we understand that you, the SJG, are a person of very low tolerance and that just about everything and anything bugs the sh*t out of you. Let's face it, you are person unsuited to travel, and yet here you are, again, which means we at LAX are stuck with you for the duration. Where are you going again? It must be in our vast computer system. Oh, right. Kansas. Knowing you, you're probably going to Kansas just so you can finally say, 'I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore,' the second your return flight takes off. Knowing you, you've probably waited your entire life to say it, legitimately. In any event, please feel free to roam about the airport at your leisure, and spend lots of money at our wonderful novelty shops. A newspaper will cost you $150, but who cares? You're worth it. Welcome to LAX. Now leave."
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