The Good Seats

Not to be confused with these seats.

It all comes down to the seats, am I right? Wherever you go in life, you hope for a good seat. Sadly, it doesn't always work out. Sometimes, you get a terrible seat that hurts your back. You can't see or hear anything. You sit there in your crap seat, bemoaning your existence, wondering why all the people in front of you managed to get the good seats.

There are two, and only two reasons, why people get the good seats. Wait, I just thought of another one. There are three reasons why people get the good seats in life:

1. They got there early. Case in point: temple. Get there early, a good 30 minutes before the service starts, and you get to sit close to the bima and the rabbi and the choir, where all the action is, and aren't you a happy Jew? In my temple, the good seats aren't just about the view. They're about the comfort level. The good seats are the newer, reupholstered seats with the extra padding for your tush. You sit down and go, "Wowza, it pays to get here early and get the good seats." Yesterday, by some miracle of timing and planetary alignment, I arrived at shul early with substitute family members Candy, Joe and Colin, who, unlike my own family, actually go to temple with me every year. Also arriving early, my temple hubby Phil, who, unlike my own hubby, likes to go to temple with me. I'm a lucky Jew to be in temple with these mensches. Candy and I spent half the service in a State of Awe. "We got the good seats!" "I know, right?"

2.  Someone saved them a good seat, or at my temple, an entire row. "Sorry, this row's taken." "Sorry, this section is saved." Just to lay it on thick, they often use props to save seats. A shawl stretched across four seats. A tallis draped around two seats. A handbag, a yarmulke, a cell phone (on vibrate) on three seats, to signal "Taken," like a Liam Neeson movie, but only the seats have been kidnapped.

3. They paid extra for a good seat. Paying extra is the universal way to guarantee the good seats just about anywhere. A plane, a play, a concert, a ballgame. You want luxury? You want the aisle? You want the front row? You want the center? You want first class treatment? You have to pay, bitches. You. Have. To. Pay.

But not always. Sometimes, like yesterday, you don't have to pay to get the good seats. But a nice donation is always welcome.