Can This Funny Bone Be Fixed?

Dear SJG,
I'm embarrassed to even discuss this with you, but you're the only one I can turn to in my time of need. For the past year or so, I've suffered from a heinous condition so alarming I'm reluctant to go out in public. I checked the medical books, and it doesn't have a name, so I made one up: TCES (Tragically Crusty Elbow Syndrome). Ever since I developed TCES, I can't go sleeveless and that hurts because I really do have great arms. Or should I say had great arms until the onset of TCES. I've tried everything, including slathering my elbows with coconut oil, but that only drew unwanted attention from the neighborhood monkeys that hang out in the palm trees. They licked all the coconut off, which was kinda gross. I've dipped my elbows in egg whites. I've dunked my elbows in petroleum jelly. I'm running out of ideas. Please tell me what to do before summer hits, which, according to the local weather girl at your Emmy-winning station, SJG-TV, is next week. And it's still February! I'm not ready. Help!
Sincerely,
Crusty in Cerritos

Dear Crusty,
You're not alone, sister. I, too, suffer from TCES, and your timing couldn't be better. I've just developed my own product, full of top secret ingredients, to handle this unsightly curse. It's called SJG's Anti-Aging Elbow Cream. It's so full of holistic fabulosity, you could plotz. One schmear on each offending elbow, in the morning, and then again at night, will fix your funny bone -- and restore its youthful glow -- so fast your head will spin like a dreidel gone rogue. All you have to do is send me a money order for $356.26 and I'll send you a tube of miracles. As an incentive, I'll even let you in on one of the hush-hush ingredients: Cream cheese! Discovered by accident when I slipped in the kitchen during Sunday brunch, and went elbow-first into the whipped Philadelphia. That's just between us. Don't spread it around. (See what I did there?)
You're Welcome
The SJG