Henny Or Red?

Henny Youngman

Red Skelton

Last night at dinner, our hilarious friend Joel pointed out, gently and respectfully, that the SJG had maybe, if not definitely, eff'd up the credit for a famous one-liner. "Tell me more, Joel. I love this kind of thing." And by thing, I mean, when people tell me I'm wrong, gently and respectfully. At least once or twice a week, someone lovingly points out a typo to me, via email or carrier pigeon: "Hey dumb ass, you can't spell for sh*t." These moments remind me of that oft-quoted line, "She who is her own editor has a fool for a writer." 
So, Joel went on to tell me that I attributed a Henny Youngman line to Red Skelton in Friday's blog, A Perfect Marriage. Tanks God I'm so evolved and take criticism well. 
"Oh, yeah? Really? Prove it," I said, "accidentally" spilling chianti in his lap. 
"See, I told you not to bring it up. You're upsetting Carol," his wife, Mrs. Gorgeous, said. "She's too sensitive for her own good. We went over this in the car." 
"Sensitive? Me. Nah-uh. Just tell me how I eff'd up so I can make good with my vast international readership."
"Look, I'm not trying to start anything," Joel said.
"Oh, you started it, baby. It's on," I said.
Meanwhile, hubby tried to change the subject. "We've been coming to this restaurant for 15 years."
"No one cares," I said. "Go on, Joel."
"Henny Youngman is the one who said, 'Some people ask the secret to our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.' I've been using that line for years."
"Well, my daddy told me about Red Skelton's tips for marriage, including that one, while he was dying."
"I wish I could've met him," Joel said.
"I bet I know what he'd say now."
"What would he say?"
"Another bottle of chianti," hubby told the waiter. "And hurry."
"In vaudeville," I said, like some authority, "everybody borrowed from everybody. Who knows who said it first."
"Henny."
"Maybe. All I know is, to this day, everybody steals from everybody in comedy."
"True. But Henny said it first."
"You don't know that."
"Enough, you two," Mrs. Gorgeous said.
"If only I could call up my dad," I said.
"Bottom line is, it's funny," Joel said.