Close Encounters of the Gelson's Kind

I'm not sure why people tend to lose their kaka, metaphorically, in my midst. Maybe I just attract the unhinged moments in life. I wouldn't say I enjoy watching others lose it. As someone always trying to keep it together, I marvel at their ability to let 'er rip. It's the moments they pick that baffle me. So much injustice in the world. So much bad behavior. So much all-round awfulness. Losing it in my personal homeland of Gelson's, my happy place, feels wrong and misguided. It's so spacious and courteous and friendly. People smile and nod and move aside if they're blocking the aisle and even apologize.

A typical Gelson's encounter of the normal kind:
"So sorry, I'm just standing here, paralyzed and amazed there are so many types of olive oil."
"I know, right?"
"What's your favorite olive oil?"
"Oh, it's so hard to choose."

As opposed to:
"Uh hello, could you move your @#$%'n cart! I'm trying to get by."
"Oh, bleep you! Who died and made you Pope?"
"Are you gonna move it, byotch, or do I gotta call for back up?"

On Sunday, at the peaceful time of 10 a.m.-ish, I witnessed a gal unravel before my eyes, at the deli counter, where else? If you're going to lose it in a tranquil locale, you might as well pick the zone of too many choices, what with all the salads and the overpriced Boarshead, the fancy artichokes and assorted kale offerings that always sound better than they taste. But it's kale.

Here's what happened, and I warn you, it's deeply disturbing.
"Who's next?" said the counter guy.
"I am!" said a tightly-wound gal. (No, not me, how dare you.)
"What number?"
"I don't have a number."
"I have to go with a number. Who has a number?"
"I'm 80," said an octogenarian.
"Okay, what can I get you?"
"But I'm first in line," said the numberless gal.
"Sorry," said the counter guy.
"I'm first," she repeated. "Eff you!" She turned on her heels and left the store.

I did what I always do in such cases that are equal parts hilarious and alarming. I started to laugh and spent the rest of the day re-enacting it.