Such A Punim Valentine's Day Special

Please tell me that's not what I look like. 

Dear SJG,
Aren't you tired of looking in the mirror and screaming at the saggy face staring back at you? Aren't you tired of asking, "Oh dear God, who the bleep is that?" And then realizing, sadly, oh right, it's you. Let's face it. You're aging, rapidly, hon. Every day, another teaspoon of collagen goes bye-bye. Every night, as you sleep face down on your pillow, new creases are forming in your dry old skin. Those of us in the dermatology biz call those hideous lines wrinkles. Those who practice self-acceptance and other nonsense call them "road maps to your soul."

Either way, you need to deal with this situation, bubbelah. Not to worry. The nice people at Such A Punim Dermatology know Valentine's Day is no time to make shalom with your facial flaws. Valentine's Day is the time to spend money on your appearance and restore what's left of your face. So, we'd like to make you this Exclusive Valentine's Day offer, good until February 14, then you have to pay regular prices so we can stay in business. You want $50 off any filler or Botox treatment... $100 off a painful liquid face-lift that feels (once the numbness wears off) as if you've been punched repeatedly in the face...  or $250 off a full-face laser-miracle?

By all means, come in. Enjoy a free cup of water from the sink. Let us help. Don't live the rest of your life sitting in the dark so that no one should see you. Don't hide on the corner of Oy Vey and What The Hell Happened To Me. Give us a call at Such A Punim and let us turn back time. You're Welcome.