(Sherman Oaks) Listen, the SJG knows you're upset that your favorite Valentine's Day "conversation hearts," the ones in the cute little red boxes that you gave and received in elementary shul and pretty much tasted like chalk, won't be available this year, such a shanda, because the company that bought the bankrupt company that made them eff'd up and didn't have time to make them this year. Why is this your problem? Relax. No need to panic, unless you're genetically predisposed. The good news: SJG International has schlepped to the rescue with its own romantic candy brand, available right this second in some places, and not so much in others. Name please? We thought you'd never ask: SJG Harts n' Tarts, full of delicious tangy ingredients that may include a mother's bitter tears, a nice sprinkle of guilt, a dollop of sweetness, and most importantly, Essence of Kugel (patent pending).
Top Ten SJG Harts n' Tarts Messages:
1. I Go Meshuggie When You're Near
2. You Make Me Wanna Hora
3. For You, I'll Convert
4. You Oc-Chuppah My Thoughts
5. It's A Mitzvah I Met You
6. Knish Me Already
7. My Synagogue Or Yours?
8. I Want You So Bad I Could Plotz
9. Fine, I'll Sign The Pre-Nup
10. You're The One Or Close Enough
No comments:
Post a Comment