We're Happy To Take Your Money

So I've been a little busy, what with ... shameless plug up ahead... the upcoming World Premiere of "Brushes: A Comedy of Hairs" at The Whitefire Theatre, that yesterday, I neglected my internationally-acclaimed blog. Can you ever forgive me? I knew that you could. I'm back today with a little early a.m. adventure. Maybe you saw the four of us, the longtime marrieds, the newly marrieds, getting in the car at 6:55 this morning and going... well, it was so environmentally wrong, I'm ashamed to tell you, but when has that ever stopped me before... three blocks to see a "town home style" apartment, a potential dwelling for the eldest and his newly-employed wife. Yes, without even a speck of guilting on my part, they've decided on their own to relocate to the Valley. Be still my heart! Did I mention it wasn't even my idea?

Now that Chloé is employed on "this side of the hill," as we Valley peeps say, or maybe it's just me who says it, the trek is too long. They've decided to explore their options. The fact that Billy wanted to see a "town home style" dwelling so close to his mother, well, clearly, I've done something right in the parenting department. He's learned so much from me. And what have I learned? Let me tell you. After 61 years on Planet Wackadoodle, I've learned that any time the word "style" appears, it's a major red flag. Add the word "style" and you're going to get a fake version when you want the real thing. "Home style cooking" means it's not cooked at home, who are we kidding, and it won't taste like it, but we're happy to take your money. "Luxury style living" means what we're presenting resides nowhere in the vicinity of luxury, but we're happy to take your money.

And so, we toured the "town home style" apartment and I fell head over hills in love with the brand new kitchen, the brand new powder room, the brand new spacious shower in the master-style bedroom. I focused on the positives, which isn't always my go-to in life, but come on, everything in there was new, as in "just built." Longtime hubby focused on security issues. "Someone could climb onto the balcony..." Billy and Chloé focused on the important stuff: the lack of natural light, the lack of privacy -- you look out the window, any window, and someone from the building on each side is looking right at you -- and the lack of je ne sais quois. "It's not for us," they told the nice lady who'd gotten up early to show us the "town home style" apartment. "But... what about the brand new kitchen?" I asked, wiping away tears, "and... and... the pretty powder room?" "There will be other brand new kitchens," Chloé said, comforting me. "You think so?" I asked. " "Bien sur," she said. And I'm choosing to believe her.