Personal Schlepper Wanted

Personal Schlepper Wanted to schlep things the Short Jewish Gal of Sherman Oaks is tired of schlepping. Tasks include: loading and unloading groceries; schlepping laundry downstairs and upstairs; doing laundry, folding laundry, putting laundry away, so, anything laundry-related; emptying trash, dragging trash cans to the curb, dragging trash cans back, so, anything trash-related; lugging weights, bar, ball, steps, mats, jump ropes, back and forth during boot camp at the whim of the instructor; taking boot camp class while the SJG luxuriates elsewhere; driving over the hill, driving home, so, driving anywhere the SJG doesn't feeling like driving to; making bed; watering bone-dry begonias; cooking dinner, cleaning up after dinner, so, anything cooking-related; packing and unpacking suitcases, even when the SJG isn't going anywhere; finding clothes and shoes buried somewhere in cluttered closet, don't ask where, the SJG doesn't know; putting clothes away in closet, re-organizing closet; shopping for new clothes that actually fit, specifically, jeans, shirts, pants, skirts, shoes, so, anything clothes-related; discovering things that have gone missing in the SJG's office, such as, passport for exciting galactic trip not scheduled, but who knows, maybe one day; notes for big project, notes for little project, notes for in-between project; a decent pen that works, a paper clip, just one freakin' paper clip, is that too much to ask; the rubber ducky with the yarmulke that makes me giggle; the disco cow that makes me giggle, the horsey that makes me giggle; anything that makes me giggle needs to be relocated and put in front of the SJG. Payment: Negotiable. God knows, just because I'm not getting paid for all this schlepping, doesn't mean you shouldn't prosper. Benefits: The reward for doing a mitzvah is to do another mitzvah. So hurry up and apply. The SJG is tired of schlepping.