Save The Boiler!

Oh, how the SJG loves a good cause.  I've spent 56 years trying to save myself and now that just seems a bit self-involved.  So I'm grateful to have finally found an important issue I can embrace, the kind of big ticket humanitarian enterprise that Angelina Jolie has shockingly ignored. This one's mine, AJ.  All mine. Turns out, Queen Elizabeth's royal reserve fund for emergencies is, dear God, no, down to its last million pounds. You heard me, the royals are struggling to stay royal, royal. I don't know about you people, but I'm distraught over a particular household situation. The boiler in Buckingham Palace is 60 years old and causing major tsouris. Her Majesty relies on this piece-o'crap ancient relic to heat the London palace. If that's not a shanda, what is? And why am I italicizing my Yiddish?  The question is, why are you bothering me with this?  I'm in the middle of a pledge drive.  Now I've lost my train of thought.  Hang on, it's coming back to me. The aging boiler means crazy utility bills and epic environmental shame. But before they replace the royal boiler, methinks we should save it from the metal heap. Let's repurpose the royal boiler into something fabulous.  Let's turn the royal boiler into a cause celeb.  I'm seeing merchandising.  I'm seeing tee shirts.  Mugs.  Really dumb hats. Tweets. Bumper stickers. Theme parks.  I invite you to help me perform this Torah-worthy mitzvah. Stay Calm and Save the Boiler. Unless you have something more important to save.  Like yourself.