Wednesday, March 24, 2010

It's Miley!

The Wisdom of Miley

"I don't think you're boring at all!" sayeth Ms. Miley, last night's American Idol resident sage, to Mr. Tim Urban.  High praise, indeed.  Just 17, Miley took on the mentor role and did better than I expected.  I'll give her that.  She grinned like crazy as Tim sang  "Crazy Little Thing Called Love." He pretty much sucked, sliding on the stage like a pro.  Not to worry,  he won't be going home this week. Trust me on this. He's got the cuteness on his side, and plenty chutzpah to boot. Kara compared his performance to Zac Efron in "Hairspray." That wasn't fair.. to Zac. He's super-talented! Simon called Tim's warbling pointless and silly. I'll second that with: very silly. 

Other pearls of Miley wisdom: "Watch your pitch," she told Paige, but Paige forgot. "That was terrible," Randy told her, after a torturous "Against All Odds." The SJG is calling it: adios, Paige. She got slammed by everyone. Ba-bye. Or not. We shall see, now, won't we? Oh, yes we will.

What else did Miley say to her mentees? She told Lee to have fun with "The Letter," and he went and gave his best performance. Kara said he raised the bar. Randy said he knocked it out of the park. Ellen made a drawn-out analogy to a pen running out of ink, but made her point (finally) at the end. "My favorite pen is back." Bananas. Pens. Seriously, Ellen.  Step it up, girlfriend.  Only Simon dissed Lee as corny. Personally, I found Lee cool all around. Poor Aaron, suffering from throat issues, crushed so hard on Miley, I felt sorry for the boy. She was sweet to him, even if "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" didn't really cut it.  No sweat.  His little butt's not goin' anywhere. 

And speaking of crushes, Big Mike nearly crushed Miley to death with a manly cuddle, but she didn't mind.  After all, he's just a big ol' huggy bear.  "I love you," she said.  I can't argue with her; the dude's lovable times ten.  Mike did a fine job on "When A Man Loves A Woman," yet got mixed reviews from the judges, who found it corny and loungy and over-indulgent.  I rank it high on the list.  Not so high:  Katie's Fergie-fied "Big Girls Don't Cry," although it was her best performance so far.  Kara told Katie she's "in the right lane," despite her "mad pitch problems."  Even so, she came off 17 and bought herself more time on the A.I. stage.

As for Andrew, three words:  Not good, brutha.  "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" that you've lost your way, plus your guitar.  Just 'cuz Miley told you to leave it backstage, you didn't have to, did you?  "Dawg.  Man," said Randy.  Simon felt thusly: "Horrific.  You sucked the soul out of it."  Ellen said, "Not fantastic."  Kara felt sick.  Andrew could be packing his bags tonight, but then again, he was better than Paige.

Miley-wise, my favorite moment was when Casey told Miley he was a big fan of Daddy "Achy Breaky" Cyrus.  Miley no likey.  Yes, the Hotness delivered once again, this time with a rockin' "Power of Love."  It even had hubby doing some shoulder moves I haven't seen since the '80s.  It was win-win with the lady judges; old-fashioned and unoriginal for Simon, and Randy, while not a fan of the song (what?!) "believed it."  Onto Didi.  Miley helped ease her nerves, admitting even she gets nervous before pole-dancing, er, performing.  Didi strutted and purred through "You're No Good."  But, come on.  You pick a song like that and you're asking for it, hon.  They all trashed it but good.  Simon found irony in the title, of course.  The SJG found it half-good.  Still, Didi might be in trouble this week.  Didi or Paige.  Paige or Didi?  Andrew? Your thoughts, please? What say you?

Siobhan found it "wicked cool" to meet Miley, and Miley loves her voice, so, yay!  However, her version of "Superstition" was a screechy mess, a gigantic miss.  For some reason, Ellen asked for "more please."  I'd go with less.  Much less.  Dial it back, baby.  Dial it waaaaaay back.  It's one thing to be fearless.  It's another to be awful.  That's right, I said it.

Miley had nothing but love for Crystal, who's in a different league, doncha know. Crystal did Janis Joplin proud with "Me & Bobby McGee. I must agree with Simon, who told her not to change anything. Ellen and Kara told her to up the personality and let it go. Wrong.  Wrong.  Wrong.  She's the best out there. 'Nuff said.  Now, give a listen, peeps, in case you doubt the SJG:


  1. How could I ever doubt the SJG!? I totally agree with you and Simon re: Crystal...'thought Casey's "Power of Love" lacked mojo (truly, Huey's was so much better) and couldn't bear to watch poor Paige. Had to fast-forward thru it. Tragic, really.

  2. What? The hotness didn't do it for you? Oh, lord, what is the world coming to?

  3. Oh, the hotness does di it for me - don't get me wrong - but he didn't really get after that song like I wanted him to. But, don't worry, the world is still spinning, the cougar is still salivating.... (is that gross?!?)