At dinner, I mention that Eva Longoria just dumped Tony Parker's ass for cheating. The employed son reflects on this turn of events, as only he can: "It makes no sense that these guys are married. They're in a different @#$%'n city every night and they're famous and rich. If I were in the NBA, I'd live it up from my 20s to my 30s, then once I retired, I'd settle down." I'm so glad we cleared that up.