|Hats off to Bernie|
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Sometimes my brain takes a mini-vacation without asking permission. Up, up, and away it goes. Ba-bye, brain. Come back soon! Take last night, please. The microwave went beep beep. I took out the corn... yes, I microwave fresh corn. I lock it in all nice and snug with Saran Wrap. It's the fastest way to delish. Experience has taught me that it's going to be hot, very very hot, when done. I must gently remove the Saran, or suffer the nasty consequences. I know this.
|Milk: Good for the fingies! Who knew?|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 7:40 AM
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
|Better than Xanax|
Pam: I passed the cutest firefighters on the way here.
Pam: Laurel Canyon and Moorpark. Firefighters are so cute. I once had a panic attack and I called the fire department. The firefighters came over, and they were so cute, my panic went away.
SJG: Who needs Xanax?
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 9:17 AM
Monday, September 27, 2010
|Lee Garner Jr., that putz|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 10:06 AM
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 10:22 AM
Saturday, September 25, 2010
|Mama gets married|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 9:14 AM
Friday, September 24, 2010
The first time, you can't quite believe it's finally happening. All that anticipation. Will I enjoy it? Will I get an A for effort? Will I crash and burn? The first time, you hope it's better than those forgettable part-times. The ones you know won't last, the ones you regret, deny, dismiss. But you show up, anyway. You fake it. Pretend like you're interested, when really, you're just staring at the ceiling, trying not to yawn. Counting the minutes till you can get the hell out of there and go home. The part-times are the dress rehearsal. The part-times don't count.
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 9:31 AM
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:19 AM
Monday, September 20, 2010
|RIP Miss Blankenship|
One of my favorite TV characters kicked the ol' bucket last night. Ida Blankenship, Don Draper's hilariously blunt secretary, his punishment for all the pretty young things he messed up before her, in the words of Roger, "...died like she lived: Surrounded by the people she answered phones for.” Bert Cooper put it more eloquently: "She was born in a barn and she died on the 37th floor of a skyscraper. She’s an astronaut.” At least she went out with some of the best Blankenship lines to date. To Don: “Are you going to the toi-let?” Re Dr. Faye Miller: “She’s pushy, that one. I guess that’s what it takes." To Don, after seeing little Sally in person: “She looked so chubby in the pictures.” Ida was over the top, queen of the not-very-subtle digs, a supporting character who wandered in from a 60's sitcom and stayed a while. She stood out like the pain in the ass she was, and I, for one, am pissed off to see her plotz. At least I can "friend" her on Facebook. She's got her own page.
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 7:50 AM
Sunday, September 19, 2010
|DeJon & Scotty: Roomies ready to party|
On the ride up to Santa Cruz, we let the freshman play deejay. His selections were eclectic. Springsteen and Arcade Fire. John Mayer and Cee lo. He pumped up the volume and we sang along, working hard to keep his spirits up, and ours, as well. The day before, there was drama he could've done without; us, too. A lousy parting gift. A broken heart. So we bubble-wrapped it, nice and tight, made sure it stayed in tact for the long schlep north. I'm happy to report, his heart hit campus on the mend. No transplant necessary. We hadn't even parked yet and the texting heated up: "Seen any hotties?" The eldest needed an update. "Gotta live vicariously through you now, bro.'" "Nobody yet. I'll let you know when I do." Brotherly love. Later on, the college grad played wingman for his freshman bro'. Set up the evening's festivities. There's quite a tradition to uphold. Spare me the details, boys. I'm too old.
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 9:46 AM
Friday, September 17, 2010
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 5:22 AM
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Here's another gem I wish I could take credit for, but can't (it's anonymous) sent to me by my dad. The Chinese have the year of the rat, the year of the monkey. Well, here's the official Jewish equivalent. Now you can find out who you are. The Year of...
|I'm a cheese blintz. This makes sense.|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:35 AM
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
A nice man, a fine actor, a mensch. Harold Gould died over the weekend at the age of 86. He's best known for playing Martin Morgenstern on "The Mary Tyler Moore Show' and its spin-off, "Rhoda." I'll always treasure the time I got to work with him, when he played a Holocaust survivor in the CBS Schoolbreak Special I wrote, called "The Writing on the Wall." Hal Linden stars in the true story of Rabbi Markovitz, whose synagogue and home are defaced by some Swastika-loving boys, on the eve of Halloween. Rather than send them to jail, he opts to work with them, instead, and ends up changing their lives. Harold Gould plays one of the neighbors who'd rather see these punks rot in hell.
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 9:45 AM
Monday, September 13, 2010
|Dusty in repose|
|Durryabis in action|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 9:16 AM
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 10:40 AM
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 12:19 PM
Thursday, September 9, 2010
In temple, my bro' took a little snooze
He's not the one paying annual dues
I nudged him a few times, I said, "Wake up!"
Twice I'd put coffee in his coffee cup
"I'm so tired," he kvetched. "I've been up since four."
"Catch a few Z's, but you better not snore."
He behaved himself, didn't make a peep
Couldn't wait to get home and go to sleep
Then there were apples and honey to dip
My bro' said, "Yum. It was well worth the trip."
Go home, drive safe, get yourself into bed.
May the sound of shofar play in your head.
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 9:00 AM
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
|Kugeling, the SJG way. So delish, you could scream.|
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:18 AM
Monday, September 6, 2010
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 9:06 AM
Sunday, September 5, 2010
|Engine not included|
Friday, September 3, 2010
Posted by Carol Starr Schneider at 8:33 AM
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
(Double click for full image)
BILL CLINTON'S JEWISH MOTHER: "Well, at least she was a nice Jewish girl."
GLEN BECK'S JEWISH MOTHER: "Write on the blackboard,'I will never speak out loud again,' a hundred times."
HILLARY CLINTON'S JEWISH MOTHER: "Learn to forgive but never forget. Things will blow over."
(anonymous Jewish humor I can't take credit for)