My Very Handsome Fitness Guru

Davee Youngblood, the myth, the legend

The other day, as I reached across the tower of bananas in Gelson's to find the loveliest bunch, the bottom of my BANGBALL tank top hooked onto a mischievous Chiquita, thereby baring my midriff. I was unaware of this southern exposure until my arch nemesis, Freida Schlepberg, cornered me. "Bitch! Where'd you get them rock hard abs?" "Listen Freida, you don't get a 12-pack like this sitting on the sofa, eating cheeseballs. These beauties are courtesy of Mr. Davee Youngblood, CEO and Emperor of BANGBALL FIT." "BANGBALL what?" "FIT." "What the bleep is that?" "Freida, stop yelling. I'm right here. BANGBALL FIT is the best new fitness craze to hit the Valley since the Thighmaster." "Is this Davee person paying you to wear that tank top?" "That's neither here nor there." "These avocados look ripe to you?" Freida asked. "Pay attention, gal," I said, grabbing a nice Casaba and flexing my biceps. "The BANGBALL looks nothing like this melon, I'm just using it as a prop. The BANGBALL is a weighted, football-ish curved three-dimensional thingy that makes miracles happen. You lift it up an down," I said, demonstrating with gusto, "this way and that way, you twist and shout and twerk it out, you run in place, jump, lie down and get back up again." Whereupon I did some squats, hoisting the Casaba over my head till the produce manager shot me a look. "You liking the strawberries?" Freida asked. "I'm liking the BANGBALL." "Seriously, how much did this BANGBALL boss man pay you for the free shout-out?" "That's none of your business, Freida." Whereupon I dropped the melon on her toes, unintentionally, of course.