Cures For The Common Keppy

With no known cure in sight for the common keppy, burdened with the contagious symptoms of life, and all the miscellaneous mishegas that comes with the territory, the SJG, a giver by nature, an over-thinker since birth, would like to offer three tips to ease the suffering.

1. Blow Your Shofar Often. Not an actual shofar, unless you happen to have one socked away for the High Holidays, which will be here sooner than soon. If you have an ancient ram's horn, mazel tov. Use it with pride. Otherwise, blow your shofar, metaphorically. Toot your own bugle. Brag, boast, feel good. Make some noise, people. Speak up. Vent. Geshrei at the top of your lungs. Staying silent is the best way to grow neurosis. Suppression isn't your friend. Trust me on this. How do you think I ended up so angsty?

2. Problem-Solve In Yiddish. You'll make a less stupid decision if you insert oy vey and oy gevalt into the equation. Curse those who drive you nuts, including estranged relatives, no names mentioned, the SJG is far too classy for that, in the language your grandparents spoke in front of you, in hopes you didn't understand diddly, but you picked up plenty and translated later. Plus insults are more cathartic in Yiddish. Example? Ale tsores vos ikh hob oyf mayn hartsn, zoln oysgeyn tsu zayn kop. So much better than, "All problems I have in my heart, should go to his head." Thinking in Yiddish (okay fine, in any foreign language) helps to separate your mind from your emotions and analyze a situation more clearly. Cursing in Yiddish is the cherry on top. Marie Kondo that kaka, capiche?

3. Gargle With Chicken Soup. It couldn't hurt. But don't be an idiot. Let it cool down first. Swishing around Bubbe's Magic Pesach Potion will unclog your mind, moisten your mood, and bring temporary relief to all that dysfunction you're schlepping in your psyche.

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