In a shocking budgetary move, local TV station KSJG has replaced long-time weather gal Windy Weinberger with none other than the blustery station owner herself, the SJG. Asked why she canned the popular weather gal's ass, the SJG turned testier than usual. "Who needs a meteorologist? My head is a better barometer of weather patterns than anything Windy Weinberger can steal off the Weather Channel. I could've had my sinuses reconstructed twice for what I spent hiring her away from KBCH. All last week, the intense pressure on my left side indicated a sharp increase in temperatures by the weekend. Was I wrong, Angelenos? The fact that this morning, my throbbing head deeply resents motion of any kind means rain is on its way by the end of the week. Trust me, people. My head knows best. So keep your brollies near by, and keep the hatemail to a minimum. Windy Weinberger has already landed a new gig at sister station WSJG, only because my head can't be in two places at once."