Five Bad Ideas In Dog Training

Why can't Dusty do this?

1.  Laundry Maintenance. Trying to teach Dusty to fold his own laundry = epic fail. How many times must I say, "The underwear goes on your tush, not your head, silly."
2.  Toilet Training. Thirteen years. Thirteen years I've been working on this with him. I've finally come to the conclusion that he prefers the backyard.
3.  Home Improvement. I give him a  brush and a bucket of paint. I point to the wall. I command him to paint it. The work is sub-par. What was the point of sending him to Paris to study painting?

Dusty can't do this, either.

4.  Cooking. Not very agile with the egg beater, the spatula or Cuisinart. Can't boil water to save his life. Very good at licking the bowl and stealing the oven mitts.
5.  Household Chores. Vacuuming. I plug in the Dyson. I point to the piles of dog hair he's left all over the house. I say, "Get busy, Mister." I wait. Nothing. What am I doing wrong?

Maybe if I buy him an apron.