Friday, August 21, 2015

Things I Should've Said To Jon Voight

And vice versa: "Hang on! Is that... oh my God... it's the SJG!" 

It's not often I see a major celeb at Gelson's. The other day, there he was, pushing his own cart like a real person: Mr. Jon Voight, tall and dapper in a navy blue sport coat, happy to be recognized. I'm telling you, he would've talked to anyone, even the SJG. And yet, I played hard to get, preferring to think about the things I should've said, but wisely didn't:

"Alas, Jon Voight! I saw you play Hamlet at Cal State Northridge in 1976. You bore me to death a thousand times, and how abhorr'd it was! But you were super cute. I'll give you that."

"Mr. Voight, not that it's any of my business, but when has that stopped me before. How are things with Angie? Did she ever resolve those pesky abandonment issues?"

"Mr. Voight, I hear you're an honorary member of the tribe. I make a wonderful kugel to die for. So delish, it'll make your dreidel spin. What's your address? I'll drop off a Pyrex."

4 comments:

  1. Naturally, this cracks me up. I've run into JV so many times around town, I cannot count them. JV and I have many people in common: 1. His brother, Chip Taylor is my good friend's song-writing partner; 2. JV made a movie with my director cousin; 3. I attended high school with Angie's Aunt Debbie; 4. I see JV at The Nosh in BH all the time and around town at other places. The last time he saw me, JV yelled out, "Mishpocheh!" So, really, he IS related to you too, since we're "sisters." Oy,

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  2. Love that! Hysterical - if only you'd been with me.

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  3. My first thought for a question was "Do you have your daughter's telephone number?" but then I remembered that a) I'm happily married, b) beautiful movie stars tend not to go out with penniless, middle-aged, bag-headed men.

    It is nice to see someone famous, though. I'm afraid I'm a bit of a starer, although I don't mean to be.

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  4. You are hilarious. Bag-headed men are all the rage.

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