Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Open Door Policy

Hey, you. Yes, you. Do you know the etiquette when it comes to opening doors? The SJG didn't think so. But don't panic. I'm an expert on this subject. I learned the hard way that you simply must open the door for anyone older than you, even by a month, or risk being filled with guilt for eternity. And I speak from personal experience. I'm still apologizing to my late great mommy for that one time I didn't open the door for her at the late great Bullock's Westwood, circa 1980. I was 22 and a little self-absorbed. What did I know from opening doors? Oy, did I get an earful, a lecture, a scolding, a shaming, a ... please, I beg you, don't make me go on, it's too painful. How much do I need to suffer in this lifetime? Ever since that Epic Westside Door Opening Debacle, I've been opening doors for people I know and people I don't know, and I'm telling you, it's the mitzvah that keeps on giving. You open one door and then another door and people smile and say thank you and before you know it, you're up for Sainthood, or whatever the Jewish equivalent of Sainthood might be. Let's go with Martyr.  Martyr SJG has a nice ring to it. I'm made for this title.
Plus, I guarantee if you open a door for someone entering or exiting anywhere, you'll never hear, "How dare you open this door for me, you brute!?" Unless it's the door to a shower or toilet stall, in which case you may be accused of stalking, invading someone's privacy and/or trespassing, and the next door that gets opened is the one to your new home: Jail. So please, people, for once in your life, use some common sense. Keep opening doors for other people you know and don't know, and they'll think you're such a mensch, and maybe, just maybe, they'll reciprocate and open the door for you, and your faith in humanity can be restored, if only momentarily, but given these questionable times we live in, where manners have gone out the window, express gratitude. Would it kill you to say thank you?

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