Automated Menu

"If you woke up tired, press 1. If you woke up old, press 2. If you woke up cranky, press 3. If you woke up achy, press 4. If you need someone to kvetch to, press 5. To select your personalized complaint expert, press 6. For Jewish Mother, say, 'Oy.' For Tells-It-Like-It-Is Father, say, 'Vey.' If you'd like to hear the menu selections again in Yiddish, press 7."