"Elijah! The Jukebox Musical! Live!"

Fine, let the other big networks celebrate Easter. Over here in Sherman Oaks, my people will be watching "Elijah! The Jukebox Musical! Live!" on SJG-TV, starring some famous and not-so-famous Jews who really know how to carry a tune. Turns out, the story of Elijah, not to mention the Exodus, fits perfectly with many beloved classics. What, you don't believe me? A few selections you can look forward to hearing tonight:

From "Cabaret": "Willkommen! And bienvenue! Welcome! Fremder, étranger, stranger... Glucklich zu sehen, Je suis enchante, Happy to see you, Bliebe, reste, stay." What prophet wouldn't love to hear this song in his honor when he walks through the door, all ghostly and exhausted from schlepping to a zillion seders? 

From Rod Stewart: "The First Cut Is The Deepest." So. Why is this song perfect? I'll tell you why. Because Elijah is the prophet who visits the circumcision ceremony of every Jewish child! Who knew? Well, it's news to me, I'll tell you that much, and spare you the details of how, according to biblical historian types, the entire Jewish male population circumsized themselves (ouch) pre-Exodus on the Seder night. Hence, the obvious tie-in with the song. (Duh).  

And finally, Bruce Springsteen's "Born To Run," which sums up what Passover, and most Jewish holidays, are really about: Fleeing. Getting the hell out with seconds to spare. Bolting before the bread can rise. Or, to put it another way: "They tried to kill us, they failed, let's eat!" If "Elijah! The Jukebox Musical! Live" isn't a ratings hit, the SJG may need to find another line of work. Full-time kugel-maker comes to mind. Please let me know if you hear of any openings.