Sunday, August 26, 2012

Yiddish Curses With A Twist

A new website called Yiddish Curses for Republican Jews has appeared in time for this week's convention in Florida.  My dear friend and favorite shiksa from Kansas, Cathy Hamilton, creator of BoomerGirl Diary and Two Dogs Bitching, sent this to me, her favorite Jew from Sherman Oaks, and I had to share immediately, or what kind of SJG would I be?  Here are just a few gems:

May you have a rare disease and need an operation that only one surgeon in the world, the winner of the Nobel Prize for Medicine, is able to perform. And may he be unable to perform it because he doesn’t take your insurance. And may that Nobel Laureate be your son.

May your son the doctor introduce you to his fiancée, Bristol Palin.

May you have a hundred houses, and in every house a hundred rooms, and in every room twenty beds, and then may you fall behind on just one of your mortgage payments and have the bank repossess everything.

May you live to a hundred and twenty without Social Security or Medicare.

May you live to a ripe old age, and may the only people who come visit you be Mormon missionaries.

May your insurance company decide constipation is a pre-existing condition.

May you find yourself lost and stranded in a village of Palestinian Muslims, and may you be treated only with dignity, kindness and respect.

May your child give his Bar Mitzvah speech on the genius of Ayn Rand. 

May your grandchildren baptize you after you’re dead.

May G-d give you a daughter-in-law who is as kind as she is beautiful, as patient as she is rich, as wise as she is devoted, a virtuous woman in every way. And then may a ballot initiative invalidate her marriage to your fat lump Rebecca.

May you sell everything and retire to Florida just as global warming makes it uninhabitable.

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