A Sense of Accomplishment

People, everyday people much like yourself, they stop me on the street, like, all the time, and they say, "Hey, you! Aren't you the Short Jewish Gal?" Such a direct question forces me to come up with a quick answer. I usually go with, "As a matter of act, I am. What's it to ya?" What it is to them, in fact, is an opening to ask me more questions. The attention is nice, I admit it. Who doesn't like attention? But all those questions mean I have to split my attention, which, let's face it, is in short supply. When I'm picking out bananas at Gelson's, my personal homeland, I need to focus. Do I go with ripe, almost ripe, greenish, yellowish? You know how quickly bananas go south. I need time to think. But the other day, while I was debating the Chiquita options, a woman approached me. Actually, she nearly rammed into me with her cart, that's how excited she was to see me.

The conversation went something like this:
"Hi... uh.. hello. Are you the SJG?"
"I am, indeed. What's it to ya?"
"Well, I was wondering... and I hope this isn't getting too personal... but, of all the so-called amazing things you've done in your life... the thousands of silly blogs you've written, why, no one knows; the sporadic employment in the glamorous world of TV; and all the other stuff you're always humbly bragging about..."
"Cut to the chase, lady. I've got apples coming up next, and there are so many types... it's agonizing.  I can't stand a mealy apple. I simply can't."
"Of all your quote 'accomplishments,' which one gives you the biggest sense of pride? Is it your sons? It is that man you call hubby? Is it your Eccentric Elderly Pup?"
"It goes without saying that I've enjoyed every second of parenthood. Well, maybe every other second. Raising two rambunctious boys has given me nothing but nachas. And being married to hubby for 35 years has been uninterrupted bliss. And without my guidance and gentle, non-judgmental nudging, Dusty never would've been Bark Mitzvahed. But if I'm being honest, my biggest sense of accomplishment comes from my DVR. When I get through my list of recorded shows in a timely fashion; when I manage to watch "The Goldbergs," "The Leftovers," "The Affair" and "Homeland" in the very same week they've aired, my God, I feel good about myself and my life."
"Are you sh*tting me, SJG? That's what gives you a sense of accomplishment?"
"Yes. You've got something better to kvell over?"
"My diploma from Harvard. Now that's something real."
"Would you like to know what you can do with your Harvard degree, honey?"
"No, but I can probably guess. Great meeting you, SJG."
"Hang on. Would you like me to sign that banana?"
"No, but thanks anyway."