Don't Get Hysterical

No matter the play or the movie, Neil Simon has been making me laugh and occasionally cry, pretty much my entire life. From "Barefoot in the Park" to "The Odd Couple," "Lost In Yonkers" to "The Goodbye Girl," I've worshipped him, so much so that I nearly took a writing class taught by his funny/crazy older brother Danny just to be Neil Simon-adjacent. But two minutes in that moldy-smelling condo meeting room in Brentwood, with the funny/angry lesser-known Simon sent me running. Better I should wait for Neil Simon to teach his own class in a nice-smelling condo meeting room in Brentwood. I waited a long time, and then I gave up. When I found out that one of my Laughing At Lifers appeared in "Broadway Bound" on Broadway, I lost my ka-ka. I went nuts with the questions about Neil Simon. She told me she got the part because he liked her authentic-sounding New York accent. In class tomorrow, I'll give her a condolence hug, whether she wants it or not. Just between us, I'm the one in need of the condolence hug. Meanwhile, here's one of my favorite Neil Simon scenes ever, from "Plaza Suite." Walther Matthau and Lee Grant are the parents. The bride-to-be has locked herself in the bathroom and won't come out, no matter how much they yell, scream and threaten her. I can still remember sitting in the movie theater in Westwood, at 13, laughing hysterically at the perfect blend of schtick and pathos. The fact that Arthur Hiller directed "Plaza Suite" makes it even better. The movie came out in 1971, and who knew that nine years later, I'd be getting married in Arthur's backyard... and no one would have to coax me out of the bathroom. I went of my own free will. And then my parents escorted me across the lawn and the rest is my personal history,