Your whole life, you've been complaining about being left-handed. In honor of International Left-Handers Day, we're thinking it's enough already with the complaints about being left-handed. Just between us, no one cares, expect maybe other left-handers. Listen, there are worse things in life than being left-handed. Wouldn't you rather be left-handed than left out of all the fun activities people plan behind your back because they can't stand you? That's so much more hurtful, and we speak from personal experience. So what if you walk around with the left side of your left hand smudged. So what if the world was designed by right-handed folks for right-handed folks. By now, you should be used to it. Sixty (and a half) years you've been harboring this grudge. It's time to face facts. Right-handed peeps are superior. Get over yourself.
Sincerely,
Righteous Right-Handers of America
P.S. We've included this helpful handout. It's never too late to change:
As a lifelong leftie, I have every right to complain. (See what I did there?)
You're Welcome,
The SJG
P.S. I've included this helpful ambidextrous response from someone we all admire:
Happy Left-Handers Day, Bitches!
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