Don't Go

On Tuesday, a lot of public schoolers schlepped back to school. In August yet. This seems cruel on many levels. Why are they schlepping back to school so early? The SJG can't tell you. It has something to do with something. Maybe the parents got together and held a secret meeting. "We can't take another second of summer vacation. They're driving us insane. Take them back early, please. Take them back, we're begging you." Maybe the powers-that-be said, "Okay, calm down, already." This much I do know: I get a nervous tummy just thinking about going back to school, something I haven't done in a very long time. Once the nice people handed me a degree -- "Here, take this piece of parchment, good luck, there's the door, English Major" -- I thought my nervous school girl days were over. There was no reason to get anxious about going back to school ever again. I was 21.What did I know? That I'd have two little nervous boys of my own one day? Little boys I'd have to schlep back to school? No, I didn't know that.

"We do all our own parenting."

Here's what back to school meant for the little nervous school boys. The eldest starting preschool. That didn't go well. He hung on to my leg until the teacher had to pry him off. He screamed hysterically as I left. I cried all the way home. The eldest starting kindergarten. That didn't go well, either. I had to drag him out of the car and force him into the classroom, while he screamed hysterically and swore at me. I cried all the way home. Who do you think taught him those words, anyway? The Mother of the Year Committee ignored me that year, too. The youngest at preschool. That didn't go well. A bad case of separation anxiety. On my end. The youngest starting kindergarten. That didn't go well, either. For an entire year. I let him wear sweatpants and a hockey jersey every day. One more fight over what he was going to wear and I would've been carted off somewhere. Where, I can't tell you. But I might still be there. Every year, for years and years, another Back to School nervous tummy. Another visit to Staples for school supplies. And then, the inevitable readjustment. Okay, gang. We're back. We're in school again.  Let's make the best of it. We're all in this together.