Short Jewish Gal: Misbehavin' In Montreal

Thursday, August 22, 2019

Misbehavin' In Montreal

Outside the restaurant we didn't know was vegan till we sat down. I loved the Oat "Milk" Latte. I may have been the only one.

Of course, it's possible everyone else in this photo (l.t. hubby, Ned, Helen, Maddy and Jeff) was still smarting over the previous night's SJG Tipsy Ted Talk in the Uber ride home from the bar where we had at least 30 years on the other patrons. The topic: Renting Bikes.

It was Helen's suggestion. She's a go-getter, full of pep. She's younger than me by four months and really loves to lord it over me. In the Uber, she said, "Let's rent bikes on Saturday and see the sites." Well, that's all I needed to hear. "I'm not renting a @#$%'n bike," I slurred. "Why not?" she asked. "Jeff and I bike in the Marina all the time," Maddy chimed in. "Good for you. I'm not renting a bike and you can't make me." "What's your problem?" asked Ned. I've known him longer than anyone in that Uber, including the driver, and really expected some backup. Did I get it? No. "Listen, people, I spent my childhood riding my bike. I wanted a 10-speed. Did I get one?" "No, you didn't," longtime hubby said, well-acquainted with my Tales of Deprivation.

"That's right. I had a crappy 5-speed. I rode my sad little 5-speed everywhere. Even to college." "You really have suffered," Helen said. "You could walk to campus," Maddy added, unhelpfully. "I didn't get a car till senior year!" I said. "It was a tin can," Howie said. He should know. His uncle sold it to me. "What does this have to do with renting bikes in Montreal?" Maddy asked. "It has everything to do with it," I explained. "I've done enough time riding bikes." "But you love to Spin," Helen said. "Cuz I'm so good at spinning my wheels and getting nowhere." "So you're saying you don't feel like riding bikes in Montreal?" Jeff, the nicest one in the group, asked. "That's right, bitches." Whereupon I dozed off on Maddy's shoulder. I really shouldn't drink a cocktail again.

Oh, and speaking of deprivation, as a teen I only wanted one thing (since clearly no one was ever going to give me a car, or a 10-speed bike). All I wanted was a wicker chair like this one, the kind that hangs from the ceiling. I wanted to sit there, listening to Joni, Laura, Carole and James and write my tragic poetry. Too much to ask for? Apparently. Did I ever get over it? Not really. But here I am, swinging to my heart's content until longtime hubby said, "Come back to the table. The waiter wants your vegan order."

Helen, SJG & Maddy. They still love me despite the bike thing. And yes, Helen and Ned rented bikes on Sunday.

And now, for your enjoyment, a taste of "Thierry Mugler: Couturissime," an exhibit devoted to the French designer behind everyone from David Bowie and Madonna to Lady Gaga and Beyoncé.