Maybe They Needed A Chuppah

TomKat could've used one of these

A beautiful wedding in Beverly Hills.  A happy couple under the chuppah.  A whole lotta mazel tovs and l'chaims.  And all I can think about is, "What happened to TomKat?"  I'm at a wedding, a black tie affair, with hubby in a really old tux that still fits him -- of course, as the SJG predicted, he is the only man among hundreds wearing a red bow tie -- and I'm still pondering the demise of the Cruise-Holmes marital arrangement.  Before prepping for the wedding, a lengthy transformation of putting on my face and my Spanx and other top secret maneuvers, I go on a truth-seeking mission.  I Google up the wazoo.  During the wedding, I whisper to the nice gal next to me, "Tom and Katie.  Your thoughts?"  The nice gal taps my hand.  "Bad karma to think about people divorcing at a wedding."  "Oops.  But seriously, what went wrong with TomKat?"  "A bad match."  The couple getting married?  God willing, a good match.  After all, an actual matchmaker put them together.  So, does anyone know why the photo op known as TomKat imploded?  It's all rumors and speculation.  But the SJG won't rest easy till I find out some version of the truth.  TomKat sure seemed ushy-gushy in love, didn't they?  Tom jumped on Oprah's couch.  He proposed at the Eiffel Tower.  They married at an Italian castle. They made a daughter who dresses better than other celebrity children.  Maybe Tom was ushy-gushy and Katie was more wrapped up in the fantasy and then she woke up one day and went, "Oh sh*t!  Reality check.  Run!"  Still, it's another Hollywood headscratcher.  For some reason, I wanted TomKat to endure.  But they're done.  Kaput.  Finito.  It's in the hands of the lawyers now.  You just know it's going to get nasty.  If only TomKat had married under a chuppah made of flowers and twinkly lights, if only they'd smashed the glass in honor of life's fragility, it might've helped.  In any event, it couldn't have hurt.