The Olympic Flame

Oh, the universe is abuzz.  Abuzz, I tell ya.  Not sure I've ever had occasion to say "abuzz."  But doesn't this seem like the right moment for me to toss it your way?  Of course, it is.  Tonight someone will light the Olympic flame, in honor of Shabbat.  It is Friday night, after all.  Dear God, the speculation is killing me.  I must know.  Who who who?  Will it be a global icon?  No.  That would be a total bore fest.  No way to get that one right.  Short of Moses, or maybe Gandhi, a global figure is a big snooze.  Will it be an Olympic Great?  Only one Jew comes to mind here.  Mark Spitz.  Trust me, they're not schlepping out Mark Spitz and all his gold medals.  Would they schlep out a British Olympic Great?  They might.  But I'll need your help on this one.  Throw some names at me, bleeps.  I'm drawing a blank.  Will it be a local youngster?  No eff'n way.  The rest of the planet will go, huh?  Who dat?  So no.  Not a local anyone.  Will it be a royal?  Hmm.  Predictable.  And seriously, haven't we seen enough of those types already, at the Jubilee?  Will it be a surprise?  Hell, yes.  The torch-lighter will indeed be a surprise.  How do I know this?  Why do I speak with such authority?  Because Matt Lauer just said it on "The Today Show."  So it must be true.  It will be a surprise, a shockaroo, a "blimey, aren't those Brits clever?"  So basically, the surprise, sadly, will not be the SJG.  Although, wouldn't that have been a kick?  To see the Short Jewish Gal lighting the Olympic Torch?  I'm still waiting by the phone.  But chances are slim, given the time diff, that Danny Boyle is going to ring me up and say, "SJG?  Get your arse over to London.  We need you."  No, that won't happen.  Painful, I know.  Hurtful?  Very.  It's not my time to shine.  I'm thinking Rock Royalty.  A very preggers Adele, perhaps.  She's the most talked about Brit in recent years.  Adele gets my vote.  I so want to see her waddle up there and sing, "I Heard..." I want to see a massive weep-a-thon, followed by a big splashy Bollywood musical number.  Hello?  Danny Boyle. "Slumdog Millionaire"?  So.  There you have it.  Adele will light the big Shabbat light tonight, or I demand a refund.  If not Adele,then who?  Not me.  Maybe you?