Splat!

In case "Rotten Tomatoes" needs a new critic, my father, Mr. Ben Starr, offers this harsh review of "The Dark Knight Rises":   "The longest, most confusing, most boring movie I've ever seen.  It's two hours and forty-five minutes of nothing.  Everybody mumbles.  The guy who plays Batman is so dull, you can't believe it.  He's got no personality.  He talks in a monotone the whole time.  The only good actor is the British guy, Michael Caine.  At one point, he gets so fed up with Batman, he says, 'It's been nice knowing you.  Be healthy.  Goodbye.'  Morgan Freeman's in the movie, I have no idea why.  He comes in and says something wise, because he's Morgan Freeman, and then he leaves.  There's a French woman in it.  She's very handsome.  You don't know if she's good or evil, and you don't really care.  Bat Lady's pretty good.  It takes Batman the whole movie to realize, I'm Batman, I should probably do something heroic.  Maybe I'll save Gotham.  The whole thing's a giant tzimmes. Anyone who says they liked 'The Dark Knight's' a kiss-ass."