Thursday, December 27, 2012

Five Shopping Days Left

I picked this out myself
Only five more shopping days till January 1st, and I can't decide what sort of birthday gift to buy for 2013.   Something tells me the coming year is going to need a lot of stuff.  Maybe a nice sweater to keep 2013 cozy?  And a warm blankie, extra large.  Every new year likes to be swaddled and burped and rocked back and forth like a baby.  This gift is really starting to come together.  I need to throw a few more items in the basket, so I don't look cheap.  I'd hate to insult 2013 right out the gate.  So.  What else should I give 2013?  I'm thinking a lucky charm.  No.  A whole bracelet of lucky charms.  Every year could use some luck.  Oh, and some shower gel.  No gift is complete without shower gel.  A large vat of peach blossom body wash to keep 2013 feeling clean and refreshed.  I'll pick some up at Costco, along with industrial-strength ibuprofen.  Chances are, 2013 will start off with a massive 2012 hangover.  I don't want 2013 to feel bad on any level.  I'll put in a bottle of cough medicine, and some decongestant.  God forbid, 2013 should catch a cold.  One sneeze and we'd all get infected.  I might as well include some chicken soup.  A big pot of it, with extra matzoh balls.  It couldn't hurt.  A few self-help books, too:  "How To Keep 2013 From Turning to Sh*t."  "Time Management Tips for 2013."  "Happiness Project: 2013 Edition." Something's missing from this gift.  It's not quite there yet.  Wine!  A bottle of the finest Napa grape.  Oh, hell, make it a case.  2013's going to need to chill now and then.  Some chocolates, too.  Dark and rich, imported from Sherman Oaks.  I sure hope the new year likes my present.  What are you going to get 2013?  Better hurry.  Only five shopping days left.


  1. Not to burst your bubbly, but don't forget to put a little aside for the tax increase.