Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Jewish Dictionary

AFIKOMMENTS n. Adult arguing that occurs as children search for hidden Passover matzo.
BIALY ACHE n. The result of lunch at your mother's and dinner at your mother-in-law's.
BLINTZKRIEG n. A late-night assault on the refrigerator in search of leftovers even though "I won't be able to eat for a week!" Particularly common four to six hours after special-occasion gluttony.
BUBBEGUM n. Sweets one's mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.
CHUTZPAPA n. A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby's nappy.
DEJA NU n. Having the feeling you've seen the same exasperated look on your mother's face but not knowing exactly when.
DISKVELLIFIED vb. To drop out of law school, medical school, or business school, as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents, and Uncle Sid. (In extreme cases, simply choosing to study art history when Irving's son, David, is studying biology, is sufficient grounds for diskvellification.)
DISORIYENTA n. When Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.

HEBORT vb. To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after one's Bar Mitzvah.
HEBRUTE n. Israeli after shave.
HINDSTEIN n. A Semitic smart-ass.
IMPASTA n. Someone who eats leavened foods during Passover while maintaining he/she is observant.
JEWBILATION n. Pride in finding out that one's favorite celebrity is Jewish.
JEWDO n. A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one's way out of a tight spot.
KINDERSCHLEP vb. To be called on to car pool more children than one has fingers.
MAMATZAH BALLS n. Matzo balls that are as good as mother used to make.
MATZILATION n. Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter it.
MEINSTEIN slang. "My son, the genius."
MINYASTICS n. Going to incredible lengths to find a tenth person to complete a minyan.
MISHPOCHAMARKS n. The assorted lipstick and makeup stains found on one's face and collar after kissing all one's aunts and cousins at a reception.
RE-SHTETLEMENT n. Moving from one town to the next and finding all your old neighbors live on the same block as you.
SANTASHMANTA n. The explanation Jewish children get for when they celebrate Hanukkah while the rest of humanity celebrates Christmas.
SCHMUCKLUCK n. Finding out one's wife became pregnant after one had a vasectomy.
SHOFARSOGUT n. The relief you feel when after many attempts the shofar is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur.
TORAHFIED n. Inability to remember one's lines when called to read from the Torah at one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah.
TRAYFFIC ACCIDENT n. An appetizer one finds out has pork in it after one has eaten it.
YENTILITY n. A deceptively sweet manner used to extract information. Key phrases include "Trust me," "Your secret is safe with me," and "If you can't tell me, who can you tell?"
YIDENTIFY vb. To be able to determine ethnic origins of celebrities even though their names might be St. John, Curtis, Davis, or Taylor.
(courtesy of www.awordinyoureye.com)

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