Saturday, March 5, 2016

External Use Only!

You know how the SJG likes weird news. I like it. I like it a lot. Anything that will distract me from real news convinces me that today I can venture out in the world without spontaneously combusting. It's pretty dicey out there, bitches. Be careful. Landmines aplenty. Sometimes, it's great to know that people do the dumbest, lamest, head-scratchingest things for absolutely no reason. My favorite Internet story arrived yesterday, via Australia:

"In what appears to be a party trick gone awry, an Australian man suffered severe burns after he put fireworks between his buttocks and set them off. The New Zealand Herald reports that paramedics near Darwin, Australia were called to the scene on Saturday night, but the unidentified man had already taken himself to the hospital to be treated for injuries to his posterior and genital area."

Ouchy! Are you cringing yet? Read on: "What must of (sic) seemed to be a great idea at the time has backfired, resulting in the male receiving quite severe and very painful burns to his cheeks, back and private bits," Senior Sergeant Garry Smith said. "Police believe alcohol could have been a factor in the firecracker-fueled accident. The 23-year-old man was later taken to a specialist burns unit at the Royal Adelaide Hospital. Smith added that there's a lesson to be gleaned from  the man's injuries. 'Apparently [the firecrackers] are not designed for that particular placement,' Smith said, according to The Daily Mail. The man could also face fines because fireworks are illegal in the area, except on July 1, which is Territory Day. The story comes just a few weeks after a Michigan man blew off part of his genitals with fireworks."

The SJG can only conclude, safely, it seems, that Men Are Just Silly. You may now return to your regularly scheduled day.

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