Lawsuit-Ready Barbie

Tall Jewish Barbie

The SJG only has one regret in life.  Just one, but it's a whopper.  Why did I give away my Barbie collection?  Why?  Why?  Dumbest thing I ever did.  So dumb.  Oh, well.  I only get a painful reminder of this epic blunder every few days, when another Barbie story hits the news. Someone should start a 24-hour Barbie Channel and fill it with boomer Barbie nostalgia and devote the rest of programing to Barbie-related legal matters. For Mattel, the makers of Barbie, a tall Jewish gal like no one you've ever met in your life, is highly litigious. Anyone who tries to copy Barbie, anyone who used to work at Mattel and makes a doll that sells better than Barbie, gets sued. The SJG would now like to go on record and predict another big lawsuit in the future. The guy who came up with "normal 19-year-old Barbie" is going get his ass in a legal bind for selling his version.

Comparison shopping:  Leggy Barbie vs. Lammily

Lammily, courtesy of artist Nikolay Lamm, suggests the "average" proportions of a 19 year old, as reported by the Centers for Disease Control.  She's short and athletic and looks like she could run a marathon and not plotz from exhaustion.  But she still has Barbie's goyish nose, retro makeup sense and flat tummy.  CDC statistics or not, she's still an ideal, rather than an authentic college co-ed who needs to dial down the pizza and beer consumption if she wants those jeans she shlepped across country to ever fit again.  In an ill-advised move, Lammily's creator is now raising money to get this reimagined Barbie on the market. Good luck to you, Nikolay. Here's hoping you raise enough for your legal defense. Copying Barbie's likeness and giving her muscular SJG-style legs is admirable, but dumb from a legal standpoint. Almost as dumb as me giving away my Barbie collection.  On second thought, maybe dumber.  And that makes me feel better, so thank you for that, Mr. Lamm.  I promise to visit you in Barbie jail and bring you a nice kugel.