Wednesday, September 7, 2016

It's Amicable

Hiddleswift is over. 

"It was an amicable split," a source told SJG News Service. To which the SJG replied, testily, "Amicable, schmamicable. When is a breakup, celebrity or otherwise, ever amicable? Give me an example. Just one. Go as far back as prehistoric times. I'm waiting. You can't come up with one, can you? Why? I'll tell you why. Because amicable is a made-up thing, a PR spin. The very nature of a breakup is the opposite of amicable. If things were so amicable, there'd be no breakup." The SJG admitted she was feeling emotional about Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston calling it off after only three months. "They looked so cute together," she said, between sobs. "I mean, so long and lean and elegant. And he liked to dance. When you find a guy who likes to dance, you don't walk away from that. You hang on for dear life." The source told the SJG to calm down, she was embarrassing herself, to which she replied, "When has that every stopped me before? I wanted Hiddleswift to work, I wanted it more than anything, but the truth is, the nickname doesn't really roll off the tongue, not like Shohub. (SJG & hubby). Still, I'm entitled to feel distraught at least for another few hours. Then I'll let it go. Why? I'll tell you why. Because this guy I met in 8th grade tells me I need to let things go. Of course, he hasn't specified which things I need to let go of, but I'm assuming the dissolution of Hiddleswift Inc. would meet his requirements." 

Oh, how we danced on that night at the Met

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