Thursday, February 23, 2017

Shady Riktor, Oscar Predictor

The other day, I called up my old gambling pal, Shady Riktor. Yeah, Shady and I, we go way back. Nobody works a blackjack table like Shady. Watch her play the slots in Vegas. She's a killer, that Shady. A bad influence. She gets me in the best kind of trouble. Shady and the SJG, we got wrecked in Reno, lost our tutus on a Mississippi cruise, made a mess in Monte Carlo, spent a night in the hoosegow in Hong Kong. Sadie's biggest strength? Award shows. I call her Shady Riktor, Oscar Predictor. Shady bought a beach house in Malibu off her office pool winnings. That's how good she is at prognosticating. So I asked her to share some of that magic with the SJG. "It's 'La La Land' for the win," she told me. "Up for 14. It'll win at least 10, including Best Picture, Director, Actress. You still want that timeshare in Boca?" "Duh." "Then go with 'La La Land.' Bet the house, the Winnebago, the kids' inheritance." "I don't know, Shady. A lotta La La Party Poopers out there." "Have I ever steered you wrong, doll face ?" "Quite a few times, Shady." "Well, then do want you want. Gotta go. My parole officer's calling. Ciao."

P.S. Thank God I didn't listen to Shady Riktor. "La La Land" only won six awards! And she didn't even predict envelope gate, so what is she good for? Nothing. Say it again. 

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