I'm A Giver

Well, if this isn't exciting, what is? Today the people will line Van Nuys Boulevard and wait for the SJG to drive by in her hot pink pick-up truck, stop traffic and spread some early Hanukkah joy. "Listen, I'm a giver," the SJG said, stating the obvious, while gathering items to re-gift-away from her moving vehicle. "Pre-Hanukkah, all is right in the SJG world, kina hora, poo poo poo. So I asked myself, unselfishly, what would Judah Maccabee do with all these unused objects? Would he go to Goodwill? Would he set them down on the curb with a sign that says First Come, First Serve? Nah. He was too much of a badass to randomly redistribute the goods. He'd take control of the situation. He'd make a plan of attack. So, if I'm going to go full Maccabee, I figured, I better get busy."

Some of the re-gifts the SJG plans to toss to the people include:
1. Disco mirror ball party nightlight still in original box.
2. Gilded, automatic matzoh-breaker, for those times when you're just too tired to break matzoh yourself.
3. Farbissina, the verbally-abusive, Yiddish-speaking Cabbage Patch doll that never caught on. A collector's item!
4. Stylish latke transporter. Keeps latkes warm for a while.
5. Offensive Statement Necklace, guaranteed to get the conversation going in the wrong direction.
6. No-expensives paid trip to the Sherman Oaks Mall, to buy yourself a real gift.
7. Super sexy, slightly-worn orthopedic slippers.
8. "I Made It Out of Clay" driedel-maker.
9. Rhinestone-studded pooper scooper.
10. Scolding Rabbi Garden Sculpture.