It's All In The Handbag

As hubby and I luxuriate over Season 2 of "The Crown," watching it at a leisurely pace, as opposed to binging it in a day, I find myself obsessing over the Queen's handbag. Claire Foy as Queen Elizabeth carries that thing everywhere, indoors, outdoors, upstairs, downstairs. If she's not carrying it, it's right there on her desk. I'm telling you, she's never without her purse, just like the real queen. Dear God in heaven, what's in there? What? What? Lipstick? A mirror? A royal passport? Well, I couldn't take it anymore, so I went a-googlin' and found the Intel on the Queen's handbag. 

Turns out, her handbag's not just for beauty essentials and cab fare. Her handbag is chock full o' secret signals. If she shifts her bag from one hand to the other, she wants to end a conversation. If she puts it on the table at events, she wants to leave. Basically, her handbag's her ticket out of boredom. If this isn't the most brilliant trick ever, what is? It got me thinking. Is there any royal decree that prevents the SJG from copying and expanding on the Queen's longtime ploy? Let's go with "no." This morning, I handed hubby my top five secret handbag maneuvers and commanded him to memorize each one by tonight. Most importantly, he must follow these rules whether we're at a swanky social event, shopping at Gelson's, or sitting in the living room, watching "The Crown."
1. If I switch my handbag from one shoulder to the other, fetch me a glass of wine.
2. If I zip and unzip my handbag three times, fetch me a cookie.
3. If I hold my handbag over my head and jog in place, find me an unoccupied loo.
4. If I hurl my handbag in the air, rescue me from a mind-numbing conversation.
5. If I dangle the strap of my handbag in my teeth, fetch me another glass of wine.