Hedging My Bets

This morning, I rang up my personal shrink, a gal I keep on retainer, Dr. Stormy Schwartz. It went something like this:
"Thanks for taking my call, Dr. Schwartz."
"You're welcome. Who is this?"
"It's the SJG."
"Aw. You again. You realize I charge double for unexpected calls."
"How can I forget? You tell me every time I call."
"Do you have Vey-Mo?"
"Who doesn't?"
"When you're done kvetching, you'll Vey-Mo me the fee."
"It'll be an honor."
"So, what's the problem now, my short little Jewess? Is it height-related?"
"Dream-Related."
"Aw. For dreams I charge triple."
"You're kidding?"
"Gotcha."
"Ha ha hilarious."
"Go on, ma petite meshuggie. Tell me."
"Last night I dreamt about a hedgehog. He came in through the back door, hopped on the sofa and made himself comfy."
"Aw. The Hedgehog Dream. You're in luck. I wrote a paper about this very dream when I went to NYU."
"You went to school in New York?"
"No, here."
"But you said NYU."
"Neurotic-You-University. It's online. Very prestigious. Not everyone gets in."
"Back to the hedgehog, Doc. What's it mean?"
"You want to know? I'll tell you. To see a hedgehog in your dream means you are being overly sensitive to everyone around you."
"Only for my entire life."
"A hedgehog in your dream means you're misreading their intentions by taking everything too personally."
"Only since birth."
"A hedgehog in a dream means you tend to act a little defensive at times."
"Have you been talking to my family behind my back?"
"And yet, there are good things about a hedgehog in a dream. You want I should tell you?"
"Sometime today would be great."
"A hedgehog in a dream can mean you're looking forward to seeing someone you haven't seen in a long time."
"Oh my God, that is so true. My dear friend Cathy is coming to visit next week."
"Mazel tov. I'm not done yet."
"Sorry."
"A hedgehog in a dream can also represent loyalty and honesty."
"No one is more loyal and at times too honest than me."
"So, there you have it."
"What should I do if I dream about the hedgehog again?"
"Welcome it. The hedgehog is your prickly teacher. Don't be scared. Don't be afraid to take risks."
"In other words, don't hedge my bets?"
"It couldn't hurt."
"Thanks, Doc."
"All better?"
"Sure."
"Till next time, my elfin nutcase."