Knock, Knock

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"
"The police."
"The police who?"
"The police who investigate typos."
"I didn't know that was a thing."
"It is."
"What are your qualifications?"
"I get annoyed when I see typos."
"Who doesn't? Come on in."
"Don't mind if I do."
"If you don't mind my asking, why are you here? I pride myself on my lack of typos."
"You might want to downgrade that a tad."
"What? Why?"
"On the way over, I found 82 typos in your blog."
"Oh dear God. I always do spellcheck."
"Do you now?"
"I thought I did."
"Well, your typos are a special case."
"Aw, gee. Thanks."
"You add words that shouldn't be there."

"Like?"
"Like."
"You lost me."
"Like like. I found an extra like in yesterday's blog."
"Does an extra like qualify as a typo?"
"It does in my book."
"Wow. You published a book?"
"Self-published. But still."
"Hazel tov."
"You mean mazel tov."
"What did I say?"
"Hazel tov."
"I meant mazel tov. Spellcheck is anti-semitic."
"So you've said 53 times."
"Coffee, officer?"
"Sure. What kind?"
"David Lynch."
"I hate to correct you --"
"You love to correct me."
"But David Lynch makes movies and creepy tv shows."
"I know. But guess what? I found out the other day he makes coffee, too."

"Everyone makes coffee. Even movie directors."
"In Hollywood, movie directors have coffee made for them."
"Have you verified that?"
"Oh, so now you're a fact checker, too?"
"It's a sideline."
"Well, check this out, officer. David Lynch has his own brand."
"Since when?"
"Since I don't know, but I saw it on a menu of Ivy At The Shore. Cookie?"
"Why not."
"So I'm looking at the menu, and right there at the bottom, it goes, 'We serve David Lynch organic coffee.' I turn to my lovely lunch mates and say, 'Why are they making a big deal about serving David Lynch coffee? Is he a regular customer?' "
"Does anyone laugh?"
"Not only does no one laugh, no one gives a rat's patootie about David Lynch or his stupid coffee."
"According to Google, he really does have his own coffee."

"And it's totally delish."
"Did you tell your friends that?"
"At least 10 times, I said, 'Man, David Lynch makes a damn fine cup o' joe.' "
"That's overkill."
"When has overkill ever stopped me before?"
"I can point to at least 84 blog examples when overkill didn't stop you."
"Exactly. So, how do you take your David Lynch?"
"Dark, disturbing, cinematic and surreal."
"You've come to the right place, officer."